That the latest revelations of covering up the heinous acts of a relative few clergy should strengthen our resolve to rally 'round the Church as it deals with this crisis.
Perhaps Satan is at work in my heart. He was also at work in the hearts of the men that perpetrated these acts. But he reserved his most evil and insidious acts for the hearts of many church leaders for many hundreds of years.
I've been a "menu" Catholic for all of my adult life. Since I have reached the age of reason, I've have not believed in all the tenets of the Catholic Church. I believe it's irresponsible to advocate against the use of condoms in AIDS ravaged countries. I believe it's irresponsible to advocate against the use of contraception for birth control in hunger and diseased ravaged countries. I sat in disbelief in Catholic schools as we were taught that a person can only get to heaven by being Catholic; that priests can't marry and still be the holy representatives of God on earth.
I have become completely cynical about organized religion. This latest Catholic scandal has pushed me over the edge.The magnitude, sophistication and premeditated intent of this centuries-old coverup has completely shredded the core of my life-long belief and trust in the Church as protector and guide for believers, even ones who do not agree with every rule of Canon Law.
I'm sure the vast majority of nuns, brothers and priests are truly blessed and benevolent. However, apparently this closed, men's club mentality is so pervasive in the leadership of the Church that it brings into doubt every dictum that these fallen men have promulgated. The active suppression of the role of women in the Church, the hypocrisy of possessing immeasurable wealth in arts and treasures while begging us to help the poor, the history of tolerating Nazi atrocities against Jews to protect it's own interests, and the protection of deviants can no longer be tolerated.
These leaders have actually stolen the victims ability to be an active part of the church; robbed them of their ability to receive sacraments, all of which require the touch or "breath" of a priest - the position of trust and power that perpetrated vile acts against them.
How do we know what to believe, who to trust ? Which translation of the Bible is accurate - and not manipulative workings to serve human purposes. Who decided that saying the rosary every day for one year takes 500 years off of my sentence in purgatory ? That divorce is OK in the Old Testament but not in the New, though a marriage can be annulled after 30 years if you can convince a panel of priests that it never should have happened, and grease enough church coffers.
I believe in a loving, benevolent God; I believe in Jesus, and His sacrifice for us. My faith and belief is shaken and barely holding together, but, to me, the existence of a Higher Being is beyond question. I will continue my search for a path of enlightenment to His/Her nature. It will will be my personal search, and not dictated by anyone or any "church".
