Removing Blemishes in a Few Easy Steps

    I stared long into the mirror, eyes fixed upon the object of my scorn and disgust. Over the past few months, this thing had become the physical representation of all things ugly in my mind, heart and soul. As the ink on my arm is a visible daily reminder that happiness is my right and critical to my prosperity, each day this blight is a reminder that blemishes inside me needed to be excised.
    As I fell into a trance-like state, my mind wandered from the task at hand, and covered a good deal of the journey of self-discovery that I've been on for the past year. As I re-traced the path, much of it was like stumbling through some dark and despairing forest. Invisible roots seemed to reach up and trip me, and their brother branches scratched their long tendrils across my skin, leaving it raw and tender. The myriad little problems of each day of the journey  were like flies and mosquitoes swarming on the wounds.
    Then suddenly, some moment of enlightenment, some recognition of my ability to control my environment would light up the sky, and push back the dark and depressing forest for a while. Perhaps it was an evening discussion over a cider with a friend, or a door opened by a therapist, but something lifted me out of that darkness for a while. I'd stumble back into the darkness again, but each time that I "saw the light" - it lasted longer. And the light started illuminating the blemishes - some large, some barely noticeable.
     Look there - its apathy! Over there, selfishness, deception and manipulation! And self esteem is so low its hiding under that rock. There were so many of them, I felt as if I would be crushed under their weight. Then words of encouragement from so many sounded yet again in my ears, and I thought, "I can't get them all on this one trip into the light, but I can start". So one by one, I started cutting out most or all of these cancers on my soul, my character, my heart. It's not so hard when you can see them clearly, take action and accept responsibility for them.
     Suddenly, I found myself staring again into that mirror, though still in a dream-like state. I stared at that blemish, and it grew before my eyes into something larger and uglier than before. I resented it, and wanted it cut from my body the way so much hurt, guilt and weakness has been cut from the core of my being.
     Fully aware now, I looked around at the preparations I had made, meticulous and thorough as always. My uncertainty was gone. I have embraced the fact that some pain is good pain. Muscles that hurt from use grow stronger, a heart broken in love does the same. I knew that this action would hurt, though I was uncertain of how much. The fear of that pain was no longer stronger than my desire to rid myself of this thing. I knew it would bleed, but I have a lot of blood, know how to stop bleeding, how to dress a wound, and prevent infection.  I was ready.
    Like my tattoo, ridding myself of this unwanted intruder on my skin became a spiritual way of embracing my control over me in a way that no doctor's visit ever could. This was my vision quest; subjecting myself to certain pain to achieve a goal - something I never risked in sports, work, life or love.
   So with a steady hand, and a sharp blade, I rid myself of that blemish, took back a part of my body, and with it, more control over my life.