Why do I fall in love ?
To reap the pain of failure
And to know endlessly that no matter what I give
It will never be returned in kind
Why do I cloud my own vision ?
To obscure the reality of others
And project my wishes onto them
Even when they aren’t shared
Why do I live with this searing pain ?
To walk day in and day out
Drowning in my tears
Never being happy but for rare moments
Why do I sabotage every friendship,
Every relationship I want. ?
I am so good at prophesying doom
And then making it happen
Why do I live at all ?
Business failing. Marriage abandoned
No hope for a secure future and no one
To care for me as I would for them.
Why am I alone, deserted, ignored
Trivialized, marginalized ?
Thought the silly buffoon
Unable to rise to the occasion
Why can’t I fix this and
Accept my role as the funny, caring friend ?
Always there to lend an ear, or my labor, or a hug
And to forevermore return to my rat hole
Alone
Why ?
