Adrift on the Sea of Life

Pressing the rewind and fast forward buttons on our mental DVDs seems easy enough. But during my ongoing journey of self discovery, I have found that these buttons sometime stick, and sometime pause at places other than my intended destination.

This has generally proved to be a good, though often painful, thing. This random pause may be caused by our subconscious need to review an event or time we've consciously chosen to hide from ourselves, or perhaps is that sneaky message from God we've been praying for, or perhaps just an indication that our mental DVD collection is scratched, but hopefully not a sign that the player itself is broken and out of warranty.

As this is my first blog attempt, I'm resisting the urge to go on and on about everything crowding my mind.

Over the past few years, I have been picking random DVDs from my mental library, and trying to see what parts would make good "Best of..." and "Worst of..." collections. And I have discovered at least one common theme that seems to dominate both collections. As I dissected each memory, my overwhelming realization is that I have spent the vast majority of my life as a passenger on a small boat, without oars, rudder, or sails, and the course of my life being determined by the winds, and tides and currents. Observing, enjoying, hating, feeling helpless. Knowing I can break off a piece of the bench and using it as a paddle, calculating directions by the rise and fall of the sun and stars in the sky. And yet paralyzed or mesmerized into just drifting, not willing to accept responsibility for my destination.

Fortunately, the journey is not yet over. I occasionally awake from the trance-like fog before me, and take some action to reassert some control over my direction, and visualize my destination.

The best times are when we drift into the path of fellow travelers, and share our stories, and maybe some tips for a safer and happier journey. Hopefully, we may journey together for a while, sharing discoveries and learning more about ourselves in the process. I do know that taking some control of our direction can make the journey itself as enjoyable as that destination over the horizon.